packed my room.
gathered all the letters and small sweet things ive gotten from frens.
since i was in primary school i started to gather them together.
my pile is growing. HAHA.
and looking through these letters remind me of the regret i should feel.
losing contact with so many people.
not being there when they needed me.
or maybe they didnt need me around anyway.
losing the bond, with so many friends.
that took years to build up, bit by bit.
people grow up, people change.
and i didnt put in enough effort to stay in their lives.
is it my fault?
not entirely.
but am i faultless?
not exactly either.
sometimes i get tired.
i blame other people.
i say why cant other people make an effort to contact me instead.
why cant other people come and make the change.
then i just realised.
within people's relationships.
there will always be one person making more of an effort to contact the other.
and more often than not. im the person to the other people im complaining about.
and im the passive person to other people who are trying hard to contact me too.
and everyone more or less has roles like this.
so. why cant i just take it,
and make the effort needed to sustain the friendship?
why do i need to weight who has put in more?
is it important? is it affecting?
maybe.
but does it matter?
i dont think so.
i just feel sad. that its my own childish spite that prevented me from a lot of things.
but its part of growing up.
everyone has their regrets.
everyone has things they wish they never did.
whether is it a day ago, a week ago.
a year ago, 10 years ago.
they did something that changed their lives possibly forever.
and probably didnt realise the significance of it.
sometimes i think back.
if i did something else back then.
i chose another path back then.
what would have happened?
maybe there is another me in another universe that chose all the paths i didnt choose.
but i believe.
everything that happens.
you win something. you lose something.
i might have been through some stuff,
and in the process gain knowledge.
i learnt how to do things better.
it might have hurt.
but it taught me something.
now i learnt.
i cant treat people for granted.
since when is effort in a relationship measured with a ruler?
even if they treat me for granted,
what matters is i know, that i tried my best.
been 9 months and counting.
what i know is. i really like the guy.
alot.
